The Diary of Anne Frank
Diary of Anne Frank you say? What could a blog about dating possibly have to do with a diary written by a young girl in the 1940's living through one of the worst events in human history? I will sum it up in two words- Secret Annexe.
The weather was warm, drinks were cold and the Rolling Stones were being pumped out of a high tech sound machine complete with linked video clips. I was getting drunker by the minute. So drunk in fact that I was playing pool and suggestively dancing to (I Can't Get No) Satisfaction with my best friend Sharon. We were at her old house mates den in Northcote; these guys were super nerds with gadgets, rockets and remote control helicopters not to mention stripper poles temporarily installed in the living room.
This house had seen a party or two in its day, there was even a small room under the stairs fondly referred to as the gimp closet (due to undisclosed events relating to previous party in 2007). It was getting late in the night and a guy had caught my eye. To be fair there were about 7 that had caught my eye but at this stage I was in no position to be fussy. A group of us went back to Sharon's house and kept on drinking, he was one them. Drinks and pizza continued for a few hours and I decided it was time to call it a night.
Now I have heard the old 'Im just going to slip into something more comfortable' line in films. The woman casually makes the remark, heads into the bathroom and reappears five minutes later in red lacy lingerie, long bouncy hair and immaculate make up. My version of slipping into something more comfortable usually means flannelette pajamas, no bra, no make up and my retainer. I left the after party 'to slip into something more comfortable' and 10 minutes later emerged very comfortable. I headed to the bedroom where i proceeded to snore and drool like some kind of wild mammal until around 6am at which point I woke completely panicked and disorientated.
I left the bedroom to find Sharon and try to place the night back together, the house was quiet and dark. I went to bathroom, took one look at myself (see below image) and headed back into the the room.
Super nerd was there, I was confused woke him up and told him to get out. He said no, he wouldn't leave and just laid there. I was so mortified by the previous nights behaviour I wanted him gone. I told him I had been called out for work and he needed to leave, he wouldn't. Not wanting to be thought a liar I had to be gone when he got up and I knew I was in absolutely no position to drive. So I did what anyone else would do in this situation, I hid. I hid in Sharon's room, her and her husband Jeff didn't really seem to mind and I figured it would only be for a few hours or so.
Hours went past, it was now early afternoon and I had never needed a bathroom so badly in my life. I couldn't cough, sneeze or even talk louder than a whisper. Finally a noise, Jeff headed out to investigate and super nerd had left. Relieved I ran into the bathroom and then spent the remainder of the afternoon placing the previous nights events back together like some kinda crazy version of Inspector Morse.
Needless to say he contacted me for a date, despite the sobbing, the dancing, the hiding in the bedroom he wanted to see me again, nothing eventuated though and the search for love continues.
